Adelaide Fringe

Hello my lovelies come and see me tonight Wednesday the 21st of February Friday 23rd, Sunday the 25th in this.

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Oh the places we’ll go!

A little update my darling afishionados.

The season got off  to a rather rocky start missing my first two festivals, turning yellow and spending a week in hospital somewhere in hibilly Germany.

I’ll go further into that at a later date.

Fortunately I bounced back faster than a greased cat and arrived at

Festival Fantastica full of beans and some lentils.

And what fun we had. The people of Freistadt sure know how to put on a show.


Huge thanks to Bianca Mayer, Stefan Straßburger, Rebekka Preining and Tom Ploner.


My next port of call was The Layla Healthcare City Spectacular.

This also coincided with my birthday and, a visit to the Guinness factory and the new found knowledge that Irish single malt whisky can hold it’s own against Scotch. Needless to say I’m still feeling the pangs of my birthday hangover. Huge thanks to Shell, Aisling, Vicky and the countless others who made this massive event possible.

To get an idea of the size of the crowds check this out. Some where I am in there I promise. A serious where’s Wally/Waldo moment.

And to get a taste of the fun we had.


And the best news is the season is just beginning.

Tomorrow I’m heading to one of my favourite festivals on the circuit. This one organically grows out of the cement of Alexanderplatz in the hippest most progressive city in Europe. Thats right boys and girls it’s time for Berlin Lacht!


Summer Tour.

Hello my beautiful fishiandos

Here’s a quick list of where I’ll be this summer. Please come and visit me at any of the bellow festivals. I desperately hope I haven’t forgotten any of you. If so send me a reminder and I’ll pop you in. All my love Mr Fish

19-23                Buskers fest Sokolský Czech Republic.
30 June 1 July Festival Fantastica
July 9             It’s my birthday. Feel free to lavish me with gifts and well  wishes.
7-16                 Dublin + Cork
18-23                In all likelihood I will be making an  appearance here at the Gent fest.

27-31           Berlin Lacht ‘Alexander Platz’

10-13                   Velden Austria

15-20            Berlin Lacht   HAUPTbahnhof


25-26                Not yet confirmed but a festival near Vienna I’ll keep you posted
1-2                    Werne Germany
15-17                 Landshut


Please stop, for the love of god.



Mr Fish here.

I’ve been hibernating through a rather bleak Paris winter and I’m here to announce that I will be once again returning to a festival near you, provided you happen to be near any of the six festivals I will be performing at this summer. Which is highly unlikely.   

If you do feel like seeing me, an actual person who will speak to you it will require putting to one side facebook, tinder, pornography and or disposable formulaic television for a short time and interacting with people.

I would bring a friend as the world and particularly a festival can be a truly terrifying place.

I’ll be standing there on the street, initially alone, filled with self doubt, still hoping after almost twenty years of doing this that people will stop and validate my unconventional career choice. ‘No mum, I don’t want to be a teacher, I’ve never wanted to be a teacher, stop leaving brochures for teacher’s college.’

I think we can all get quite lonely. The more way’s technology finds to connect us the more superficial the connection.

I hope we can come together as a group and connect through the show. I’ll try to be as authentic as I can be and we can all share in that. This will be interspersed with some crowd pleasing tricks so you don’t get bored and wander off half way through thus rendering me even more insecure than when I began.

A little heads up, there may be what some may refer to as profanity, such as the use of the word ‘penis’ and the phrase ‘sexy bitches’. Now quite frequently I get complaints about this. I will now explain why I use this language.

Penis: I don’t consider this to be a dirty word, it’s a part of the human anatomy. Parents if you teach your young boys that penis is a dirty word it’s not going to lead to a healthy relationship with their genitals. I have two small boys both of whom have a healthy relationship with their genitals which is that they think they are hilarious. Guys look at your penisis, epecialy when they’re flacid. Then look at a turkey neck next time time you’re at the butchers and I dare you not to smirk.

Sexy bitches: I’ve been accused of being sexist for using this phrase as it contains the word bitches. The wonderful thing about language is that it’s always evolving and I would like to thank the gay community for appropriating this phrase and transforming it into a positive affirmation. So in the regards to being offended by this, if you are offended… then I don’t think you are one. Sorry.

Now I have been told that I should attach a picture or short video to this post in order to get more likes comments and shares, but I’m not going to demean you dear fans, friends and people who accidently pressed the like button because they thought I might sell fish and chips and they are really hungry and don’t live by the ocean.

I’m not of the opinion that a picture tells a thousand words. especially really tiny pictures.

I hope to see and be able to interact with you on some level this summer.


All My Love

The Amazing Mr Fish

Thank you Frank and Manuela, for letting me be part of your magical world.

I think it was 2001 or there abouts. When this white privately educated young man walked into NICA. We were doing the generic introductions, sitting in a circle telling each other something about ourselves.

It got to Golda Ashton  she told us an amazing tale of being raised under the canvas, a woman who can only be described as circus royalty, part of a true dynasty. A woman of incredible strength and talent.

Well this overly privileged twat made what he thought was witty quip saying, ‘wow you’re a real carnie.’

She looked into my eyes and with the utmost composure and fortitude matter of factly told me  ‘never call me that again.’

This B.A.toting  Melbourne Uni grad had been well and truly schooled.

As part of the street performing community we felt a sense of pride and otherness as being seen as associated  with the ‘c’ word as renegades that lived outside and shunned the system.

How wrong was I, to refer to these extraordinary hardworking artists using that word was equivalent to using the ‘n’ word .

For the first few months I treated Golda with reverence and more than a little fear.

Well over a decade has passed and I can say the fear is gone but the reverence remains and I’m proud to call her friend. Though I’m careful to never utter the ‘c’ word.

My first real job after leaving NICA was for a no less noble dynasty with the Gasser family. Frank the owner of Circus Royal was a seventh generation circus artist. His wife Manuela was the power behind the throne, having the final say in casting and was still super handy with a needle and thread. Frank having been a judge and a performer at the most prestigious circus festival, the Monte Carlo International Circus Festival, along with Prince Rayner and a heavily pregnant Princess Grace, he helped get their limousine unbogged, in a white unitard he as his brother who were performing there trapeze act he was splattered with mud from head to toe, he  performed everything from juggling, handstands, flying trapeze, an elephant act and lastly as a tiger tamer. Or in his case a tiger carer. He would tell me the only way to work with the giant cats was with praise and rewards. Anything else was foolish, dangerous and just didn’t work. By the time I arrived at the circus all the exotic animals were gone because of pressure from the groups   like P.E.T.A. As Frank described to me the big cats spend ninety percent of their time under the shade of a boab tree, half the size of their enclosures.

As for the elephants to refer to them as anything other than domestic animals shows such an ignorance in human history. According to many scholars the domestication of the elephant predates that of the horse. And as Alexander the great would attest they were the main reason he was pushed back from his infamous conquest of the known world.

When I arrived we had cows, geese, doves, horses, camels a dog and a shetland pony. As for the human zoo we had a high-wire troupe from Argentina, a fantastic speed juggler, Arial was a little fire cracker, pulling out amazing trick after trick, Carlos, Frank’s son performed the most amazing handstand routine I’ve ever seen. We’ve all seen the block drop, but this man at the age of forty also twirled a cylinder rizly style whilst in a one arm handstand. Viviana Martinez would spin on her head balancing on a trapeze Chavella would dazzle with both her hoop routine and bounce juggling. The finally was a highwire act like nothing I’ve ever seen, skipping with no safety line or net this  act culminated in two bicycles ridden along the wire whilst Viviana performed a handstand  on poles held by the two bicycle riders  An amazing line up, every artist performing multiple acts. I would never dare refer to these artists using the ‘c’ word again.

They were also selling popcorn in the interval and helping pull the tent down and put it up again There was no jealousy, no competition, each routine was never owned but as something to be shared with, the next generation.

I remember spending time watching Carlos dedicated to sharing his routine with Alex Stephens. Right down to the construction of the blocks for the block drop.

I spent two years with that family circus. Only moving with Frank  when the circus was sold to help produce the awe-inspiring but short lived show ‘La soiree’. Not many of you saw it but it was the work I’m most proud of. It had the perfect mix of comedy, skill, and best of all it told a story. I’ve had a great career treading the boards with Magda Szubanski, spent four years  working the cruise ship industry, every major festival from Glastonbury to Christchurch, even a spot of telly with Paul Mcdermott’s ‘The Side Show’ . These all pale next to the work  I did with Frank. I think one of the testaments to this is just about every artist from Christie Chelpa to DJ Garner are still using routines they developed for that show.

For month after month Frank and I battled council after council. Jumping through hoop after hoop with the inevitable rejection after rejection; whilst Frank and Manuela’s savings flitted away.

It was a show with heart, everyone who contributed gave it every ounce of their devotion. Why we didn’t get the houses is a mystery to me to this day, whether it was marketing, location, ticket price, or that there was only room for one Spiegeltent in Melbourne.

But to put a silver lining on this experience the Melba Spiegeltent went to the most worthy home I can imagine


Thanks circus Oz for giving the old girl another life.


Anyway I went on a bit of a tangent there sorry about that.

Back to Circus Royal and its treatment  of animals. Those animals were so loved and cared for. I’m a vegetarian and when we were picketed I knew firmly which side of the line I stood on, proudly with my circus family. My boss who was affectionately known as Oppa and the late  Manuela known tenderly as Oma The traditional circus world and all whose life she touched still grieves our loss of the grandame of the Australian circus, with her sparkling mischievous eyes.

The best anecdote to sum up the treatment of the animals treatment was if the temperature reached above the mid 30s the animal were not allowed to work under any circumstances. The humans on the other hand had to go out no matter what the whether, whether it was freezing or well into the 40s we went out stretching routines and bringing out old ones that hadn’t been performed in aeons. We did it and it was fine but the acts that stole the show were the animals. I would ride a giraffe unicycle with one leg whilst balancing a goldfish, strictly made of rubber. Though I had performed at the Auckland festival and the protesters were out in force assuming I was doing the trick with a live goldfish. Anyway I again digress I then kicked the fish into a goldfish bowl on my head. And the response was nothing compared to the cows that simply walked around the ring inevitably at least one doing a poo to the squeals of delight from young and old. We mostly worked suburban shopping centre car parks. Allot of these kids had never seen a cow up close. They then put their front hooves on pedestals surrounding the ring whilst a shetland pony ran underneath them. The audience went absolutely wild.

With dwindling numbers of traditional circuses, little to no access to inner city circus lots and no help from government grant money add to this the misinformed propaganda from groups like PETA  it saddens me to see these caravans filled with a rich culture disappearing  into history’s setting sun.

I am Alexander Calder

Hello my lovelies. I can’t believe we’re a month into 2017 and this is my first blog.

I blame Trump induced depression for my tardiness.

My personal home remedy has been drastically reducing my time spent on social media and a healthy dose of antidepressants, please consult your G.P. for the latter.


Apart from my brief bout of T.I.D. Twenty seventeen has been going great guns. My new year’s resolution was to say ‘yes’ more often.  This began by being stopped in the street and asked whether I would like to be a model.

As this is Paris, a mecca for beauty, style and good taste I considered my discovery as a model well overdue.

Apparently I bare a striking resemblance to the famous sculpture Alexander Calder. Please feel free to wiki him, I also had no idea who he was.

I was of the opinion that modeling consisted of two basic skill sets, looking disinterested and wearing clothes. Little was I to know that there was a third.

Not only did I have to juggle these two near impossible tasks but I also had to do so whilst appearing slender.

Impossible you say? Like a true professional I took it in my stride.


The project was really exciting, the artist Yonatan Vinitsky , had been granted access to Calder’s home and studio, two incredible spaces 150km outside of Paris. I was to portray Calder but in a contemporary setting complete with iphone and electric razor.


The culmination of the project will be a book.

And as they say a picture tells a thousand words, so I leave the rest in the capable hands of the artist.





All work and no play makes Mr Fish a dull boy

In between my legs is Mont Blanc.

I know this is not the greatest form for a handstand, but you must take into account that. One I am wearing really heavy snow boarding boots. And two I had just had several shots of Genepi.

This is the view from the toilet.